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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843629">absolute hope birthday</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/switch_maya/pseuds/switch_maya'>switch_maya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Mentions of Junko</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:54:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,151</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843629</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/switch_maya/pseuds/switch_maya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a reflection of komaeda's thoughts as presented in zettai kibou birthday<br/>(aka komaeda has thoughts about the 'absolute hope' but he doesn't know what they are)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Implied Hajime Hinata/Komaeda Nagito</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>absolute hope birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope’s Peak Academy.</p><p>He hadn’t realized when night descended.</p><p>He made his way over to the academy, ready to stop Enoshima’s master plan. Only, in all his hurry, he lost track of time. He’d have to come back tomorrow. </p><p>His eyes scanned the silent gates of the school. He’d read about it in the newspapers - how those gates are covered with repulsive reserve course students, mewling about their money. As if that mattered.</p><p><em> Maybe it does to them, </em> his brain supplied, <em> they don’t have anything else after all. </em> </p><p>That’s right. Talentless, hopeless, their whiny demands, so ignorant of the big picture, of their utter uselessness - that they are nothing.</p><p>Komaeda knows this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Komaeda knows this.</p><p>He knows about Izuru Kamukura, the killer of the Hope’s Peak Student Council. Maybe he doesn’t know much, but he knows enough- that the man has immense talent.</p><p>And therefore, he has immense hope.</p><p>Komaeda wonders what sort of a person he is. Shining, definitely, but there are all sorts of Ultimates. His own class had a whole variety. Is he boisterous and happy like Owari-san and Souda-kun? Or is he more reserved, like Pekoyama-san and Nanami-san?  Will he be somewhere in between, maybe like Sonia?</p><p>No.</p><p>He is more</p><p>He is bigger, better than anything Komaeda could ever dream of.</p><p>And Komaeda believed this more than anything. </p><p>He stared up at the school building, and let the urge take over him. The urge, the <em> want </em> to see Izuru Kamukura. It was a pointless, selfish desire, and he knew it. After all, trash like him didn’t deserve to even breathe the same air as Hope like that.</p><p>
  <em> Is he really hope?  </em>
</p><p>How dare you question him. He is talent itself. Talent is hope for action.</p><p>
  <em> He murdered the student council. Were they not bearers of hope too? Isn’t he acting in the name of despair then? </em>
</p><p>Komaeda smiled.</p><p>Despair brings forth hope. Hope can bring forth despair. In the end, the stronger one wins. That, Komaeda knows, is always hope. But hope should get bigger, better and the more despair there is, the more hope there is.</p><p>That’s how his life has always worked. So Kamukura is just giving rise to a greater hope. Izuru Kamukura is maybe even hope itsel-</p><p>
  <em> He was made. </em>
</p><p>His mind stops short.</p><p>He knows this.  Izuru Kamukura is not genuine talent. He’s artificial, manufactured. Komaeda doesn’t know whom he used to be and he doesn’t care. Kamukura is false hope. But even so... that’s all Komaeda has to hold on to. In a sense, with his own death looming over him, everyday is false hope for Nagito Komaeda. </p><p>Even so...what are Izuru Kamukura’s true intentions? Komaeda knows that Enoshima is plotting a tragedy. What sort, what kind, he has no idea. She is absolute despair, after all. And Izuru Kamukura has a hand in it. </p><p>And as much as he wants to, Komaeda cannot  let himself be enthralled by a person he doubts.</p><p>Even so, he can’t help but be filled with hope. The thought of Izuru Kamukura, overcoming the very real despair Enoshima brings down….it’s <em> absolutely </em> exquisite.</p><p>And yet, as he stares up at the closed gates of Hope’s Peak, he reminds himself of reality.</p><p>It’ll all be done tomorrow, if all goes to plan. </p><p>Komaeda knows this.</p><p> </p><p>And yet, as he finds his own gun shot at him, stolen by a clever sleight of hand, Komaeda cannot find it in himself to hate Izuru Kamukura. He sees it- his luck was cancelled out, gone for the first time in his life. He sees the bullet strike his student handbook, his life in danger. The only thing he feels is <em> exhilaration. </em> The thought from the previous night creeps unbidden back into his mind:</p><p>
  <em> I was born for the sake of meeting you. </em>
</p><p>Nagito knows this.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jabberwock Island.</p><p>A boy lying on the sand, left alone. A looming shadow over him. <em> He </em> opens his eyes. Starts to remember, remember that <em> he </em> forgets. An Ultimate, ignorant of his talent. <em> He </em> ’s special; <em> different </em>. </p><p>Komaeda knows this.</p><p> </p><p>Komaeda is locked up. Wrapped up in a decoration of ropes, done by the very Ultimates he loved. Komaeda loved them anyway, especially because he knew his luck would help him. And help him he did.</p><p><em> He </em> visits. A platter of food, the job pushed on him by Koizumi-san. Komaeda doesn’t care that the girl did not want to see him. As a matter of fact, he’s happy she doesn’t waste his time on lowly trash. Even so, Komaeda cares that <em> he </em> did. Even if the thought is selfish. Even if the visit ended with angry words and <em> him </em> storming out, a platter left untouched, his stomach growling, his helpless body still on the floor, the emptiness in his heart fresh again. <em> He </em> is disgusted, probably to the extent where nothing can be the same again.</p><p>Komaeda knows this.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That report cut Komaeda up.</p><p>Talentless, worthless, spineless. A reserve course student. Komaeda wields his words as weapons, inserting scathing remarks into every passing conversation while in the Funhouse. Pulls it into the trial too, while he could. It all made sense now. How <em> he’d </em> never actually realize anything in the class trials. How he had to lead <em> him </em> like a shepherd with his lamb to the answer. Komaeda felt used.</p><p>And the others too. Disgusting, hopeless, despairful, terrible. The <em> Remnants of Despair </em>. It made him sick to his stomach. </p><p>A reserve course student and the remnants of despair. Was there ever any hope on this wretched archipelago? </p><p>Of course there was. The traitor. How ironic.</p><p>He had to let that hope live. Let that hope thrive. He had to destroy despair. Even if it meant destroying himself. He would die Despair, and emerge as the Ultimate Hope.</p><p>That stayed on to his mind as he covered his body with scars and red tears. He felt every single one of them, and knew that each drop of blood was hope. Red covered his vision, mixing with unshed tears. He smelled the hungry flames from behind the curtain. He heard the yells of confusion, their voices. He tasted as the poison sank down around him.  And as he faded away, another unbidden thought, one he didn’t want to accept, snuck into his head. The feeling that regardless of what happens, <em> he </em> would win:</p><p>
  <em> A true omen of hope after the worst disaster. </em>
</p><p>Nagito knows this.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A shadow looms before him. He opens his eyes. There <em> he </em> is - liar, fake, fraud, reality, truth, absolute. The contradiction clear in <em> his </em> irises.  Talented, yet not. He sees it as he looks at Hajime. The false hope is gone, replaced only by a real sense of despair. Even so, Hajime seems to <em> shine</em>. Brighter than during any class trial. Brighter than any memory Komaeda has of him as Kamukura. And Komaeda comes to a startling revelation.</p><p>He’s absolutely <em> captivated. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading this :)<br/>i haven't written fanfic in five years, and i just wanted to get this out of my drafts.<br/>i've always felt very strongly about this song. it was my favourite song during summer '16.<br/>i tried to portray my thoughts about it through this fic, but honestly speaking i'm not very sure it came across very well.<br/>but thank you reading it anyway. :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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